A Day With The Cullens
by twilightchick015
Summary: the title says it all....first fanfic, plz read, full of humor oh and common pairing..kinda..rated T for swearing. OOC and AU. co-written by my bestie edwardgirl14
1. Day 1

**Disclamer: sadly i do not own twilight...stephenie meyer does...shes so lucky..**

**first fanfic =) hope its good**

* * *

*_at school_*  
banner: Bella get your eyes off of and pay attention to my lesson

bella: *_turns around_* fine then tell that skank to stop staring at my man *_points_*

lauren: gasp!

banner: excuse me miss swan i wouldnt want to send you to the office

bella: well send me to the office! nobody wants to hear your lame teachings anyway

edward: um bella love, you dont want to go there with him...

bella: ok your right...but i do want to go there with her *_slaps lauren_* STOP STARING AT MY MAN! HE DONT WANT YOU

lauren: aw no you didnt just go there slut!

bella:*_body slams her_* uh yeah i just did! *_pulls her wig off_*

lauren:ahhhh my hair!!!*_runs out the room holding her bald head and wig_*

edward: bella love why didnt you tell me you could fight like that?

bella: cause you never asked

_(alice and emmett are in the window laughing)_

banner: to the office swan!

bella:make me BANNER!

*_banner puts his hands on her boobs trying to push her out the room*_

edward:*_growls_*get your hands off my wife you perverted old man! *_punches him across the room_*

bella:oo eddy poo! now i'll see you in a little bit, imma go find that skank

edward:ah ah lets just go home before you get in more trouble

bella: trouble is fun and plus i want to know what that skank was thinking

alice: bella if you go...im taking you shopping

bella:*_turns around_*never mind lets go. im bored now....i need pixie stixs! *_jumps in the car and leaves edward*_

edward:*sigh* Newton, i hate to ask you this, but Bella and Alice stole my car, can you give me a ride home?

mike: yea if you let me bang bella

edward:*_punches mike in the face and destroys his car_* never mind i'll walk..

Mike: yeah you better keep walking Cullen!

jessica: awwww mikey did you beat up cullen?....you're so hot

edward:*_breaks mike's nose and legs_* yea he wishes *_runs home and sees bella*_

bella: lookeddyigotpixiestixsandimreallyhyper!  
**(a/n: she really says "look eddy i got pixie stixs and im really hyper!")**

edward: i can see that love. bella listen, im wanted dead or alive

bella: *_turns her head like a dog_* huh?

* * *

**a/n ooooh clifie =) srry =p  
btw emmett and everbody else comes in the next chapter......ALOT of emmett  
(plz review if you want the rest its way more funnier..seriously) oh and btw this story is also on fanpop written by twilightchick which is me..and edwardawsome....this website wouldnt let me use my fanpop username ....but anyway Review!**


	2. Day 2

**Disclaimer: i still dont own twilight =(**

**previously-  
bella: lookeddyigotpixiestixsimveryhyper!**

**edward:i can see that love. Bella listen im wanted dead or alive**

**bella: *turns her head like a dog* huh?**

* * *

edward: i jumped on mike cause..." i put on for my lady on on for my lady **(a/n: they're sing/rapping)**

bella:*_jumps on the table and sings_* now you can have whatever you like, i said you can have whatever you like yeah..now lets go, play checkers (_**a/n: checkers is a inside joke between my friends and me , it doesnt mean** **the board game.....just think about BD**_..)..we can pop bottles all night baby you have whatever you like

edward: the skank is dead,newton's on ice (in the morgue) we can play checkers all night baby

bella: you can have whatever you like

emmett:what is this, karoke night? *_jumps on an invisible stage and strips_* "im tellin you to loosen up my buttons baby but you keep frontin, u said what gonna do to me(uh-uh) but i see nothin

rosalie: im in love with a stripper

emmett: got the body of a goddess, got eyes butter pecan brown i see you girl (droppin low) she comin down from the ceiling (to the floor yeah)

bella: i'd do anything to get away from these perves

alice: yea...

rosalie: WHOOO! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!

emmett: i move my body like a cyclone and i make her wanna do it all night long

edward: shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, the whole club was looking at her, she hit tha floor, next thing you know shawty got low low low low low low low low low

bella: i didnt know you could rap..

edward: i can beat bop too

alice: ooohhh my turn! "G-L-A-M-O-ROUS yeah G-L-A-M-O-ROUS we flyin first class, up in the sky, poppin champange. livin the life, in the fast lane, i wont change by the glamorous flossy flossy

jasper: feel free to join emmett alice

emmett: im bossy im the first girl to scream on the track, i switched up the beat of the drum thats right i brought all the boys to the yard and that right im the one who tattoed on his arm , im bossy im the bitch yall love to hate, im the chick that raises the stakes, i told young stanley he should switch the bape, im back with an 808 cause m bossy!

rosalie: ok that sucked the sexy right out of ya

emmett: im sorry babe.

carlisle: hey i didnt get to go yet! "lolly lolly lolly leet me see you pop dat body *_esme starts poppin_*

bella: no esme you do it like this*_starts poppin_*

alice:yall both aint got no rhythm *_starts crumping and break dancing and a baby slides out*_**(a/n: you would understand if you have watched the trailer for the movie dance flick, its hilarious)  
**oops.....JASPER COME LOOK YOU'RE A DADDY!

jasper:awwww he looks just like.......

emmett: *_starts crying*_

rosalie: wow emmett thats really a turn off

emmett: i cant help it. its just so.....ugly *_wipes a tear*_

alice: *_cries_* i wanted my baby to look like its daddy!

bella: im sorry for your loss *_all suddenly starts crying_* im an aunt to an ugly child!

emmett: um you trying to say im ugly?

bella:yep you look like the hulk!

emmett: *_in a girl voice_* nun uh i know that purple and green soooo dont go together

bella: i was talking about his face

emmett: that jessica girl said i was hot.. and her friend lauren

bella: they're skanks

emmett: oh shut it you're a slut

edward: oh know you just didnt!

rosalie: oh yeah he just did you man-whore

bella: *_slaps rosalie_* dont you talk to him like that! *_breakes a window while fighting*_

esme: you're both GROUNDED!

bella and rosalie to edward and emmett: THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

bella: stupid hoe you made me break a window

esme: hey watch your language *_looks around_* awww damn yall broke my good vase! *_everbody gasps_*

bella: can i see eddy if its strictly business **(a/n: hint to the checkers)**

esme: i guess...

bella: yay! lets play checkers then "i'll take you to the candy shop (dododo)cause i need more pixie stixs"

edward: okay but only if i get chocolate covered pickles **(a/n: those things are NASTY! we were stupid enough to try it)**

bella:whatever those things are nasty

edward:no pixie dust **(a/n: pixie stixs)**

bella: awww man! if i cant have pixie dust then you cant have ccp **(a/n: short for chocolate covered pickles)**

emmett: ooh ooh can i come?! can i?! can i?!

bella: if you go make eddy some ccp

emmett: what ccp?

* * *

**ok you guys here is chapter two. this chapter was very fun to write with my friends oh and the ccp thing, i advise you not to try that *gagging while typing* anyway review! and i wont write more until you review! =p ha**


	3. Day 3

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own any characters. but I do own the plot! =)**

* * *

alice: _*looking at a magazine*_ OMGH I NEED THESE SHOES!!!

edward: alice dont you have enough shoes?

alice: no i dont have enough...OMGH I WANT THAT SKIRT!!!

jasper: look baby i think that eddy is right... and that skirt is ugly girlfriend _*says in a gay voice*_

alice: yeah i guess....AHHHH! I HAVE TO HAVE THAT BRACELET! _* starts jumping up and down on the couch and hyperventalating*_

jasper: honey.... _*grabs the magazine and throws it*_

edward: hahaha....OMG THESE BOOTS ARE CUTE!

alice: are you getting those for Bella?

edward: GURL NAW THESE ARE FOR ME

bella: hahaha i didnt like them anyway_*grabs edward's hand and holds it*_

emmett: ohh those shoes are hot!

edward: ugh! they're so not! and bella you just dont have taste

bella: ugh! _*scoots down a couch cusion*_ now what, you want me to buy a thong? oh yeah i have no taste, i guess you think i dress ugly then

edward: oh can you please? i want a blue scented one with rhinestones on it!

bella: edward, why would you want that?

edward: i want to wear it around the house

bella: no i dont want you to have that girlie thing on.. im leaving

edward:NO BUY US BOTH SOME AND WE WILL WEAR THEM ON OUR HONEYMOON

bella: we already had our honeymoon and you want want to get those rhinestones stuck in your butt

edward: _*in a singsong voice*_ but its scented and we can have another one

bella: i dont know edward your being all OMGH girlie on me

edward: i know!

bella: _*walks towards the door*_

edward: DONT LEAVE ME!

bella: calm down hun im just going to check on nessie and Jasper STOP PUTTING THOSE GIRLIE PILLS IN HIS DRINKS!

jasper: sorry bella, but that as funny

bella_:*goes and hits jasper*_

jasper: _*starts crying*_ i said i was sorry _*tear tear*_

bella: dont cry, because i cry....whenever someone else....cries _* falls to her knees and cries*_

edward: jasper stop making my wife cry!

rosalie: and the pills have worn off

alice: i told you!

emmett: edward's about to kick jasper's..

esme: dont even finish that sentence MR!

_*bella still crying*_

edward:JASPER WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IN MY DRINK?! IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

emmett: hehehehehe kick his ass edward

alice: kick his and i'll kick yours _*stands up with her tiny fist in the air*_

Bella: why cant everbody just be happy?! _*still crying*_

rosalie: SHUT UP YOU RETARDED HUMAN!

emmett: babe there's no human in here..

edward: so shut the hell up!

rosalie:WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!

Bella: _*snaps out of it*_ WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO MY MAN LIKE THAT?!

emmett: dont talk to rose like that or i'll kick your ass **(a/n: srry for the cussin...)**

bella: oh whatever emmett. if i can beat you at arm wrestling, then i can easily kick your ass

edward:hun i dont want you to be in this i want you safe _*lightly kisses her*_

_*emmett does the same to rosalie*_

bella: fine..im bored now

edward: lets get it on! _*gets in his hunting crouch*_

bella: oo you bad boy!

edward:_ *winks*_ you will feel retarded for saying that when we are alone..

bella: _*runs upstairs*_

edward: _*smiles_* i get to go have fun.. got to go!

alice:TMI!

edward:hehehehehe _* runs upstairs like a little kid*_

emmett: he left because he is a weakling

edward: I HEARD THAT BUT YOU AINT WORTH IT BELLA IS WAY BETTER THAN YOU!

bella: oh my sexy man! starts kissing him again*

***MEANWHILE***

emmett: wanna have a pixie stix eating contest?

alice: YES!YES! _*jumping up and down*_

jasper:_ *graps the pixie stixs*_ no alice you know what they do to you.

alice: WELL OH WELL NOW GIVE THEM TO ME BEFORE I DO DAMAGE! _*snatches one and pours it in her mouth*_

rosalie: NO! you're not supposed to eat it you're supposed to sniff it _* snorts it up her nose*_

jasper: um rose i dont think you're supposed to do that...

rosalie: SHUT UP JASPER I KNOW WHAT IM DOING! _*continues to snort it up her nose*_

_* bella and edward walk back in the room*_

bella: hey guys...rose what are you doing with that pixie stix...?

rosalie: what does it look like im doing?

bella: rose you're supposed to eat it....

rosalie: nun-uh! _* a pixie stix commercial comes on with a little boy eating pixie stixs*_

bella: look_ *points to the tv*_ see!

rosalie: _*starts crying uncontrollably and runs upstairs*_ I SAW IT ON COPS! _*slams the door*_

_*awkward silence*_

emmett: so much for the pixie stix eating contest...

edward: how about a ccp eating contest?

everbody: NO!!!

* * *

**this is the end of this chapter. i hope you enjoyed it,but its not as funny as the next chapter coming up so plz review =) I also wanna thank my bestest friend edwardawsome (profile name on fanpop) for helping me write this story and I enjoyed writing with her =) anyway, click the review button! **


	4. Day 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any twilight characters =(**

* * *

Alice: _*giggles*_

edward: ali, whats so funny?

alice: oh its nothing _*busts out laughing*_

bella: _*asks cautiously*_ what is it alice?

alice: my vision. I can see that you and edward are going to have a problem and it just played out for me

bella: oh-no..

alice: oh yes, edward will tell you what he just saw

edward: bella, love we better get out of here..

bella: whats going on?.... Alice Cullen you better tell me whats going on before i get the box!

alice: oh so scary _*rolls her eyes*_ mike is coming!

bella: AHHH GET ME OUTTA HERE!!

jasper: _*door rings*_ i'll get it! _*smiling as he walks to the door*_

bella: NO WAIT TIL I GET OUT! _*tries to get out the back door*_

_*jasper answers the door*_

mike: BELLA, BABY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

bella: away from you

_*mike steps in*_

edward _*jumps in front of him and growls*_

mike: bella, babay why are you here at the cullens, you need to be home with me.

bella: excuse me! im married and thank the lord it aint to you

mike: oh baby dont be like that

edward: she can be how ever she wants to be and stop with this baby crap, she aint your baby!

mike: YES SHE IS! YOU WANNA FIGHT FOR HER CULLEN!

edward:WHY FIGHT WHEN I ALREADY HAVE HER!

mike: you dont have her! bella, baby, tell him that you belong to me, now hun who are you married to? _*smiles_ _cause he thinks she gonna say his name*_

bella:FIRST OF ALL, IM NOT YOUR BABY,HUN, OR WHATEVER PET NAME YOU GOT. SECOND, IM MARRIED TO EDWARD ABD IM FOREVER HIS. GOT IT DOG?!

edward: did you understand that newton!

mike: _*laughs*_ she got an imagination doesnt she! com on baby, lets get you home. you need a few hours in my room, with some champainge, and some sexy pjs _*reaches for her*_

Bella: UGH! DONT TOUCH ME! _*slaps mike*_

mike: oo i like them fiesty

edward: _*graps mike by the shirt*_ TOUCH HER AGAIN AND I WILL NEUTER YOU!

mike: well i geuss im going to die tonight because me and bella have a appointment to intend to _*winks at_ _bella*_

bella: _*glares*_ kill him.

edward: GLADLY!

carlisle: no edward dont!

mike: _*while edward is talking to carlisle, he runs and tackles bella and tries to kiss her*_ come one baby, one little kiss..

bella: _* holding his face away from hers* _EDWARD HELP ME!

edward: HOLD ON LOVE IM COMING! _* charges with on of those star wars light up sword and yells like tarzan*_ **(A/N:srry i know he wouldnt do that but work with me here..)**

bella: oh lord.

mike: oh like thats going to do anything_* leans down and tries kissing her again*_

bella: ugh, im tired of this. GET OFF ME! _*knocks him out*_ GET OUT MY FACE! GET OUT MY HOUSE GET OUT MY LIFE BEFORE I BITCH SLAP YOU TO MEXICO!  
_*yells and fumes*_

edward: THERE YOU GO LOVE!

mike: i thought you loved me?_ * cries*_ thats fine i'll give you some space then i'll come back next week

bella:_ *asks cautiously*_ when next week?

mike: or could i come back tomorrow love?

bella: oh yea sure.. NOW GET OUT! _*kicks mike outside and slams the door_* edward, you're taking me somewhere far away tomorrow, i dont care where just away from here!

edward: hang on *_ runs outside_* NOW IF YOU EVER COME BACK HERE I WILL HURT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!

mike: _* runs screaming like a girl*_ MOMMY!

edward: _*chuckles and comes in and sits by bella*_

bella: oh finally he's gone! im stressed. wanna go "color"? **(a/n: its the same thing as checkers)**

edward: heck yes love! _*grabs bella and runs to the cottage*_

alice: well there they go.. _*gives jasper a look*_

jasper: _*looks back*_

alice: you wanna do something?

jasper: _*runs and grabs alice and runs up the stairs*_

alice: baby. thats not what i meant

jasper: aww man! _* walks back down the stairs and sets her down*_ what did you mean?

emmett: _*walks in*_ hey everyone

alice: i wanna go.... SHOPPING!.hey emmett.

emmett: OMGH! I WANNA GO TOO! I FOUND THE CUTEST SHOES THAT WOULD LOOK GREAT ON ME AND YOU BECAUSE OF OUR BODY SHAPES GURL!. THE GUYS WOULD KILL TO GET US!

rosalie: ummmm....awkward

emmett: THE ONLY THING THATS AWKWARD IN THIS ROOM IS YOUR CUP SIZE! HUN GIVE IT UP, YOU CANT WEAR THOSE BRAS, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST SAGGING!

rosalie: UH EXCUSE ME, YOU AINT THE ONE TO TALK CAUSE WITH YOUR SAGGY MAN BOOBS, YOU NEED A SIZE 44D!

emmett: EQUEZZE ME? I FIT INTO A SIZE 49B, SO UGH MISS 99C!

rosalie: _*looks shocked*_

emmett: _*shakes his head*_ JASPER STOP MESSING WITH MY EMOTIONS IT AINT MY FAULT YOU CANT GET SOME!! rose baby im sorry!

rosalie: WHATEVER DONT BLAME THAT ON JASPER! FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT IM GETTING THE BOX! SO GRAP YOUR DUCKY!

emmett: rose i love you please! jasper tell her!

jasper:_*staring into alice's eyes*_

emmett: _*smacks the back of jasper's head*_ TELL HER YOU EMO PERSON! (**a/n: I nothing against emo people)**

alice: he isnt emo and how could he do that to your emotions whens he's busy looking at me and every thought he has had right now is about me!

emmett: what now you can read minds?!

alice: _*still looking at jasper*_ no edward told me

jasper: its true!

emmett: EDWARD IS AT THE COTTAGE GETTING HIS FREAK ON, WHY WOULD HE CARE WHAT YALL ARE DOING?! GOSH I SWEAR YOU GUYS ARE NUTS!

alice: _* snaps her head up*_ WHAT?! DUDE IM NOT NUT ! AND HE'S NOT GETTING HIS GROOVE ON!

emmett: uh-huh!

alice: prove it!

emmett: go look!

alice: i rather not..

emmett: yes you would! _* pushes her to the cottage*_

alice: NO EMMETT!

emmett: bella looks so sexy when shes naked

rosalie: THATS IT EMMETT GET IN THE DARN BOX.... AFTER YOU PROVE THAT TO ALICE!

alice: NO PLEASE DONT!

emmett: _* pushes her through their bedroom*_

alice:_ *covers her eyes*_ no emmett!

bella: AHHH ALICE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

alice: _*still has her hands over her eyes*_ im sorry bella emmett pushed me in here..

rosalie: edward cover up!

edward: no this is my house, i can run around naked if i wanted to! if you dont like it then you can leave!

rosalie*_ sits on the end of the bed*_

edward: rosalie get off my bed! alice leave your interrupting things!

alice: im sorry its not like i wanted to be dragged here! _* runs outside*_

bella: IF YOU DONT LIVE HERE GET OUT!

_*rose leaves*_

emmett: _* starring at bella*_ ummm bella....your sheet ....fell...wow you have a great bod..

edward: GET OUT!

emmett: NO YOU JUST GET IT OVER WITH AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

bella: AHHH! I'VE JUST BEEN VIOLATED!! GET OUT!!

emmett: _* chuckles and pulls the sheet off of bella and edward*_ WHOO HOO!

bella and edward: AHH CARLISLE! ESME! EMMETT IS INTERRUPTING OUR COLORING SESSION AND VIOLATING ME(BELLA)

edward: YEA OUR COLORING PAGE GOT INTERRUPTED AND DRWN ON BY THE UGLIEST PEN EVER (emmett)

bella: eddy poo i dont want him to see me naked..

emmett: too lake. and bella you're fine! no wonder eddt here always want to tap that!

bella: well thanks but GET OUT!

emmett: how many times a week? _*winks*_

rosalie: oh emmett. the box is ready for you! emmett: im busy right now!

edward: why are you worried about it? go play with rosalie or something

emmett: i want to know if you're good or not

rosalie: EMMETT! GET YOU AND YOUR SAGGY MAN BOOBS HERE NOW!

emmett: NO! AND THEY'RE NOT SAGGY, THY ARE PERFECTLY PERKY!

rosalie: ewww...

bella: hes better than you.*mumbles* for a one-hundred and eight year old virgin

edward: hey im not that anymore!

emmett: how many times?!

edward: if i tell you will you get out?

emmett: sure

edward: everyday...now get out!

emmett: NICE!

bella: emmett,get out before i call jessica and lauren on you _*grins evilly*_

emmett: IM OUT!

edward: thank you! _*to bella*  
_now where were we?... i think i know _* smiles*_

*** 2 hours later***

bella: we need to check on nessie

edward: cant it wait?

bella: maybe later honey

edward: you're right, but i dont want us to be done, but its a wise decision_* hurries and gets dressed*_ love why dont you get dressed

bella: ok _*stands in the closet*_ um i dont know what to wear..

edward: her let me help _* sniffs out blue jeans and a t-shirt*_ i want my girl to be comfortable_* hands her the clothes*_

bella: aww thanks honey_* kisses him passionately*_

nessie: _* walks by the room*_ EWWW I'VE BEEN SCARRED!AHH!_ *runs off*_

edward: umm love.. i think we just scarred our little girl...i think its time for the talk

bella: the talk?! she's just a baby!

edward: she's 10.

bella: fine_* walks out the room*_ nessie your dad wants to talk to you

_* nessie walks into the room cautiously and 10 minutes later*_

bella: _* walks back in the room*_ how'd it go?

nessie: _* her face is blank*_

edward: i think it went well.. i just hope she understands it..

_*emmett walks in eating a banana*_

nessie: AHHH!

bella: calm down baby! _* calms her*_ you used the banana example didnt you edward?

edward: maybe..

_*rosalie walks in eating a corndog*_

nessie: AHHHHHH!

_* jasper walks in eating a doughnut*_

nessie: OH MY GOSH AHHHHHHHH_!*runs out the room*_

bella: you used the food example?! that a bad way to explain that kind of stuff! oh my poor baby, she's scarred for life now.

nessie: _*from her room*_ YEAH I AM!

bella:...... why are you all eating human food anyway?..

emmett, jasper, and rosalie: we felt like it

bella: okay...

* * *

**heres chapter 4 and day 3. hope you enjoyed it! =) please REVIEW! **


	5. Day 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

* * *

jasper: _*walkin down stairs in baggy pants, a shirt and gold chains*  
_I PARTY LIKE A VAMPIRE, PRAY IT LIKE A PREACHER, WALKIN DOWN STAIRS IN MY HUNDRED DOLLAR SNEAKERS

bella: jasper..what are you doing?

jasper: RAPPIN IN MY BAGGY PANTS AND WALKING DOWN THA STAIRS NOW TURN YO HEAD THA RIGHT AND WATCH THAT BIG GUY BREAK IT DOWN *_emmett is break dancing*_

bob: HEY EVERBODY!

edward: BOB!!!!

bella: who the hell is bob?

edward: _*starts to sing a song with bob*_ IM A GOOFY GOOBER YEAH, YOUR A GOOFY GOOBER YEAH, WE'RE A GOOFY GOOBER YEAH GOOFY GOOFY GOOFY GOOFY GOOBERS YEAH!!!

emmett: ugh! i hate that song. this is my song. "you get the best of both worlds, chill it out take it slow, then you rock out the show_!*off-key*_

jasper: OUCH YOU JUST BUSTED MY EAR DRUM YOU BIG GOOBER!

bob: sorry jazzy!!

bella: bob...are you gay?....

edward: bella! do you have no respect for the goofy goober club?

bob: yes indeed i am. _*all the guys take one step away from him*_

alice: EWWW THERE'S A HOMO IN THE HOUSE! EWWW

jasper: then why is the club called goofy goobers when you obviously dont have any manhood?

bob: CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE FINE!!

jasper: AHHH! _*jumps on top of emmett*_ GET ME AWAY FROM THIS FAG!!

bob: come back babe!

jasper: AHHH! _* screams like a girl*_ TAKE ALICE FIRST!

alice: WHAT?! _*turns to bob*  
_STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN. I KNOW TYQUANDO!

bob: I KNOW HOMOQUANDO!

rosalie: *_upstairs* _AND I GONNA WHOOP YO ASS! **(a/n:think about madea if you seen the movie)**

bob: HAHAHA EDWARD I WANNA GO...SHOPPING! **(a/n: think about the movie white chicks)**

alice: AHHH ME TOO!

jasper: alice havent i always told you dont talk to homos? **(a/n: I have nothing against homos)**

alice: yes.... BUT I NEED A NEW THONG!

jasper: I GOT YOU BABE

alice: does that mean you're coming too?

jasper: hell naw i aint coming, that homo would be trying to touch my butt!

alice: fine i'll just get emmy to

emmett: YEA I'LL GO!

rose: the hell you will. you're gonna rub my feet

emmett:EEEWWWW BUT YOU HAVE HAVE BUNIONS AND TOES FUNGUS!

rosalie: well you have back achne

jasper: bb baby got backne **(a/n: from another cinderella story haha)**

bella: EWWW EMMETT, YOU HAD BACKNE? THATS SICK!

emmett: ugh_* reaching towards his back*  
_bella can you pop this pimple? i cant reach it

bella: i'll go get my googles

edward: eww bella you better not. that gooey zit stuff will get all over the house

bella: but we use it for our paintball wars..

alice: ewww bob lets go. i dont want that nasty stuff on my prada dress. it stinks and the stain is VERY hard to get out.

jasper: hurry back

alice: love ya!

bob: love you too jazzy _*blows kiss at him_

jasper: _*cringes*_

rosalie: _*walks down the stairs*_ oh man whose that bob guy cause he is CUTE

emmett: rose. hes gay

rosalie: oh....never mind.

jasper: ewww rose you are a homo lover

rosalie: I AM NOT!.....I JUST DIDNT KNOW...

edward: whatever rose has a thing for gay guys

rosalie: whatever _*walks off*_

bob: did she have a gender change?

emmett: hell naw thats my wife you fag!

bob: yea thats what you think

emmett: .....

bob: whats wrong emmett?

emmett: .... where did you come from anyway? i thought you was with alice.

bob: shh dont tell anybody but that girl is one freaky bitch

alice: HEY I HEARD THAT!!

* * *

**I hope this chapter was good. well anyway let me know by reviewing! I want at least 10 reviews please =)**


	6. Day 6

**A/N: hey you guys! i still need reviews =) this is a disclaimer. i dont own twilight. also give credit to my bestie edwardawsome (and yes i know awesome is spelled wrong. its supposed to be like this.) please give us some**** ideas to make it better =) anyway . day 5**

* * *

**DAY 5**

* * *

_*all the cullens wake up*_

bella: _*stretches_* good morning eddy poo

edward: good morning lo- WOAH LOOK AT YOUR FACE!

bella:AHHH EDWARD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SEXY WONDERFUL HOT FACE AND BODY?!

_*they hear rosalies scream from the bathroom*_

bella: * _runs to a mirror*_ ohh what happened to me? *_cries*_

rosalie: carlisle why are my boob are wrinkly and sagging to the ground? _* looks down past her boobs to see her_ _feet*_ AHHH I GOT BUNIONS!!

alice: _*wakes up*_ what is everybody screaming about?

jasper: i dont know babe just go back to sleep...

alice: ok_...* lays her head on jasper's chest and screams_*AAAHH WHY IS YOUR CHEST ALL HAIRY AND GREY?!

jasper: what are you talking about? why did you and everybody else scream?

alice: oh... my poor baby..you have wrinkles_*gets up to go in the bathroom*_

bella: im so ugly...*_cries*_ you gonna leave me arent you edward? _* cries and runs into the bathroom and meets rose and alice in there*_

alice: AHHH I HAVE WRINKLES! I LOOK HIDEOUS!

jasper: ahhh...my biceps...are like_...*cries*_ saggy

bella: _* sits on the floor and cries*_ im going to lose the love of my life!

edward: bella love calm down im not going leave you...im also too old to leave..i might break something..

jasper_* runs his hand through his hair and a huge chunk of grey hair fall out*_ AHHH I GOT GREY HAIR_!*faints dramaticly*_

emmett_:* drives past the door in a elecetric wheelchair super super fast*_ WHEEE

carlisle: EMMETT! STOP SPEEDING IN MY HALLWAY!

rosalie: emmett, come here and get these bunions off my feet!

emmett_:* all of a sudden you see emmett by the doorway going really slow in his wheelchair*_ fun..yuns..must have funyuns..

alice: _*walks past emmett and into jasper's arms*  
_ohh jazzy! _*cries*_

emmett: rosey where are the funyuns?

rosalie: no, bunions

emmett: funyuns?

rosalie: no, bunions!

emmett: funyuns?

edward: no you old fart! _* gets in his face and yells*_ BUNIONS!

Emmett_:* his denchers fall out*_ EWWWIEEE*_ runs away in his wheelchair*_

edward: emmett...you forgot something! _*stares at the denchers*_

rosalie: i will give them to him _*walks super slow to edward*_

_*** 2 HOURS LATER***_

rosalie: hold on im coming!

_*still in the bathroom*_

edward: ugh here you're walking too slow _*picks them up and throws them to her but they fall in the toliet*_

rosalie: ughh _* gets them out of the toliet_*oh emmett..baby i found your denchers..

emmett: you're a pincher?! dont pinch me!

rosalie: no heres your teeth!

emmett: you got beef? good caues im hungry

rosalie: NO TEETH! _*yells in his ear*_

bella: emmett do you need a hearing aid?

emmett: do i need a band-aid?...i dont think so....

bella: NO DO YOU NEED A HEARING AID?!*_ yells in his face*_

emmett: no of course not!

bella: sure whatever!

emmett: did you say kool aid?

rosalie_:* hands him the teeth*_ here

emmett: thanks_....*puts them in his mouth*_

bella: i need a hug_...*looks at edward*_

emmett: you need a bug? why would you want that?

bella: ugh! *_ hits him and his suspenders comes back and hits him in the face*_

emmett: OWWW!

bella: eddy poo i love you..

edward: i love you too _*hugs her*_

_*alice and jasper walks into the room with a smile on their faces**(a/n: they left when emmett wanted funyuns)***_

bella: how can you two be happy about this?

alice: we arent, we..just..had some..fun _*giggles*_

jasper: i still got it!

alice_:*giggles*_ yes you do! _*runs back to the room*_

rosalie: ewww! hes too old for that!

edward: apparantly not

bella: at least they are taking this better than we are....

emmett: hehe jasper's in the zone. auto zone. _*looks at rosalie*_ you wanna have some fun?

rosalie: no! i want these bunions off my feet!

emmett: girl you keep saying you got funyuns now give them here, im hungry and you aint got beef

rosalie: EMMETT I DONT HAVE ANY FUNYUNS!

emmett: funyuns?

_*rosalie walks off slowly*_

emmett: wait baby come back! _*move his wheelchair and pushes the turbo button*_ aww dang my turbo dont work anymore! wait rose i love you, i wanna grow old with you!

rosalie: you're already old...

emmett: thats not the point!

rosalie: _*sighs*_ fine. you wanna have fun emmett?

_*emmett shakes his head yes like a little boy*_

rosalie: THEN HAVE FUN GETTING THESE BUNIONS OFF MY FEET!

emmett: *hangs his head down sadly*

bella: dont feel bad emmett. hopefully this is all is just a nightmare_...*bella walks towards edward and tripps on_ her _walker*_ OWW I BROKE MY BUTT KNUCKLE!

_*all sudden, bella wakes up*_

bella: AHH MY BUTT KNUCKLE!

edward: bella whats wrong?....and you dont have a butt knuckle..

bella: _*sighs*_ it was just a dream..

edward: what was it about?

bella: everybody was old ,jasper hair was falling out, rosalie wanted emmett to pick off her bunions and he couldnt hear so he thought she said funyuns and then emmett was going really fast in a wheelcha-

_*emmett drives by her room in a fast wheelchair, at his normal age*_WHEEEE!

carlisle: EMMETT STOP SPEEDING IN MY HALLWAY!

bella: .......im going back to sleep

* * *

**here is the 6th chapter. we hope you lke it and if you have any ideas for our fanfics, plz leave it in a comment or message me and we will try to put it in our stories. thank you =) plz review =)reviews make me happy =)**


	7. Day 7

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update. I want to thank you guys for the review but there was one that I didnt like and I want to tell that person that I can write whatever I please and if you dont like this type of writing (role playing, script fic, or whatever you want to call it) you need not read it. For all the ones who like it, thank you and keep reviewing. here is chapter 7 please enjoy**

**disclaimer: Sorry world, we dont own twilight, stephenie meyer does**

**co-written by edwardgirl14**

* * *

**_DAY 7_**

bella: OMGH! MADEA AND ARE ON TV!

emmett: hey! magic school bus was about to come on!

bella: well too bad we're watchin madea, arent we edward

edward: *_not paying attention_* huh?

nessie: ooohh! madea's on! i love that old guy with the funny clothes! whats his name..?

bella: ?

nessie: yeah thats it!

edward: what...huh?

emmett: we aint watching this!* _turns the channel 2 magic school bus*  
_

nessie: oh...i love this show more! * _emmett smiles with enjoyment*  
_

bella: ugh fine, be that way! im going to my room to watch this* _walks out*  
_

esme*_ comes in, sits between emmett and nessie, takes the remote from emmett and changes it to the food network*  
_

emmett: hey!

nessie: i love this show too daddy!

edward: *_reading twilight_* huh?...you know? this book is really weird...

nessie: let me see it daddy

edward: *_hands the book to her*  
_

nessie: *_reads the first chapter quickly_* mama your name is in here! so is yours daddy!

edward: that what makes it so weird pumpkin

nessie: i wanna read breaking dawn

edward: no you cant read that! edward and bella do some really graphic things in there from what i heard * _grins_* it reminds me of our honneymoon, its crazy because its the exact thing that we did

nessie: i wanna read breaking dawn *_starts crying*  
_

emmett: oh eddy boy just let her read it

edward:_*glares at emmett* _ no emmett theres some graphic stuff in that book and shes not old enough for it. and its very weird because all of us are in there and all of that stuff really happened to us!

emmett: whos the author?

edward: stephenie meyer

emmett: she is spying on us! *_yells_* OK WE KNOW YOU'RE HERE, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW AND STOP WRITTING BOOKS ABOUT OUR LIVES!

rosalie: emmett, who's stephenie? are you cheating on me?! *_ gets mad*  
_

emmett: no hun!

* _everyone hears bella laughing hysterically*  
_

nessie: mama what are you laughing at?

is so retarded and that rose thinks that emmett is cheating on her * _laughs harder_* no just kidding, but not bout emmett "cheating"

edward: then what are you laughing at love?

bella: im reading these fanfics by these girls named twilightchick and edwardgirl14

emmett: ooh i wanna read one! * _reads the one about the cullens being old_* what are funyions?

bella: hahahhahaha eddy poo you have to come and read this one, you throw jacob to china in this one!

edward: oohhh! *_rushes over there to read it_ *hahahahaha

emmett: hey! i dont dress in girl clothes and neither does jasper!

jasper: * _sitting on the couch reading a magazine and his head snaps up at that and he runs upstairs to see what they're talking about*  
_

alice: *_also reading them_* jasper, since when did you become a trans dresser?

jasper: im not!

rosalie: well apparently you are. tell me jasper, since when?

jasper: * _starts throwing a hissy fit_* I DONT! I WILL SHOW YOU * _kisses alice passionately and alittle inapropiate_*

alice: W-O-W * _dazed_*

rosalie: um okay i guess that proves it

emmett: i'll prove im not either! * _kisses rose and she slaps him*  
_

rosalie: get off of me im still mad at you!

bella: *_starts laughing_* rose you have bunions in this one

emmett: ow!

jasper: *_stares into alices eyes and smiles_*

rosalie: i do not!

bella: haha * _to jasper and alice_* get a room!

jasper: ok then! * _picks up alice and runs to their room and lock the door*_

edward: ewww jasper stop thinking about that!

jasper: *_chuckles*_

edward: ugh! he won't stop!

jasper: *_chuckles and enjoys bothering him*  
_

alice: stay out of his mind eddy!

edward: ugh! dont call me eddy!!

alice: eddy! eddy!

jasper: no! you need to be jasper jasper!

bella: ugh! you sick perve!

jasper: its the truth though. now listening we're busy!

alice: *_giggles_* jasper! stop telling the world!

jasper: well i cant help it, they wont leave us alone!

alice: EVERYBODY LEAVE THE HOUSE OR WE WILL ROLL DOWN THE STAIRS FOR YOU ALL TO SEE US!

bella: uh as if! edward just give me earplugs and i'll be fine, but i aint leaving! im still reading fanfics

alice: ok then! *_her and jasper start rolling down stairs doing things that will not be said in detail_...*

edward: nessie cover your eyes! i dont want you to see jaspers booty! *_to bella_* love take nessie to the cottage! i dont want my baby seeing this!

nessie: why is aunt alice all over uncle jasper like that daddy?

edward: nothing, dont worry about it this is too much for you eyes to see. lets go honey

emmett: this is so much better than magic school bus!

rosalie: *_slaps him in the back of the head_* close your eyes you perve and stop trying to see alice's goodies!

jasper: they're my goodies not yours! *_ runs back upstairs with alice and continues_* all i want is some goodies!

alice: _*giggles*  
_

emmett: I DONT WANT YOUR GOODIES I HAVE MY OWN!

rosalie: whos goodies do you have?

emmett: i have my own *_ unbuttons his shirt to show her his man boobs_* see!

rosalie: for some odd reason i find that very attractive!

bella: ewwww emmett and rose yall are sick!

rosalie: _*losing her mind*_ do you think these are attractive? _* unbuttons her shirt*  
_

emmett: oh lordy! yes! _*passes out*  
_

edward: ewww put those things away!

bella: they're sagging to the floor!

rosalie: they're my tittles!

edward: more like tatonscers! **(a/n: tittles mean little boobs and tatonscers mean big boobs...anyway back to the story)  
**

bella: _*slaps him*_ why are you looking at them?!

edward: im sorry love, i dont like them but they're just right there! i like yours and only yours

bella: _* thinks about it*_ mmm ok..rosalie get out of here so me and MY eddy poo can read more fanfics bout your bunions

rosalie: _*screams*_ I DONT HAVE BUNIONS

emmett: who doesnt have funyuns?

* * *

**chapter 7. please review =)**


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